(Scroll me!) Hi again. I don't think I've done anything since my last update lol. I've been too busy sorting out student finance to update this or do literally anything. I finished reading Big Sur (the Kerouac one not Miller) and I really enjoyed it. It boggles me that Kerouac is portrayed a lot as the 'straight man' (both in terms of sexuality and. sanity?) of the beats when he wrote a book about being too Catholic to be bisexual and having a psychotic break. St. Teresa d'Avila of the modern day. Slash jay. I'm reading Rules of Attraction now so when I'm done with that I'll probs write something about Bret Easton Ellis. One of my fav authors I will defend Less Than Zero 4ever.

I have literally nothing to talk about life wise. I finish sixth form on Friday. I mean I have exams in June its study leave. But no more lessons ever after Friday. EEeeeek. I need to reformat the pages page of this where there's links 2 all the pages if somebody could help me figure that out I would appreciate it. Like what kind of layout would be handy 2 navigate. I don't want to start writing something else here when I've wrote about something else above it so I'll keep this brief and ramble 2morrow. Bye bye :3

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It's been over a week since my last post, sorry, I update this before I go to bed usually and I've been so tired this week I've just gone to bed haha. Anyway I'm on study leave so I have way more time to do this now so expect it to be more regular. I finished reading The Rules of Attraction this week so I'd like to talk about that. I don't know why I'm saying this like its not my blog where I can choose what I say.

Less Than Zero is one of my fav guilty pleasure books that I would defend with my life. Rules of Attraction is just like the evolved version of it. It follows a bunch of uni students and focuses around 3: a gay lad who thinks hes better than the other art students (real), a poet who is reeling from her breakup, and another lad whos in love with both of them and in denial of it all. Unlike Less Than Zero which focuses on the nihilism and apathy of the generation from an outside perspective, it dives right into it and explores it from the inside. It makes it a much more effective novel in exploring teenage malaise, even if it is a hell of a lot more pretentious. I liked that though because I did think Paul mentioning Fassbinder or X (remind me to rewrite my Berlin Alexanderplatz thing for here) every two pages was funny. I think there's a big romantasising of this aesthetic of BEE's novels (and others of the Bennington alumni) which kind of puzzles me because the novel is a criticism of this. Clay shows up for one chaper and talks about being addicted to meth and sad and lonely. Seeing how he's BEE's self insert in Less Than Zero, I think it can be assumed that was more the reality.

At the end of the day, though, it is a novel about perception. Its great the audience have a warped perception of the story because thats how its meant to be lol. I'm not normally a big fan of novels with multiple POVs but I think its really used to its advantage here, with all of the chapters contradicting each other, and potentially being nonlinear at times. The big cheese of this discussion is how it starts and ends in the middle of a sentence. I doubt that this was done to create a cyclical narrative, as thats already done with [the girl at the start cant remember her name] and Lauren both having an abortion, Paul is reeling from a breakup again, Sean still owes money. I think its more a cyclical narrative with the themes. Rich teenagers will always be apathetic, miserable little shits and the party never stops. Could emphasise the immaturity of the characters, how Sean longs for marriage but ultimately ends up sleeping around and getting high instead. Don't know really, will have to think about it. I might watch the movie tonight and come back tomorrow with part 2.

Anyway girls back to talking about the blog generally, I am going to try to update the format of the index of the pages. This may take some time so bear with me lol. You might not even be able to access this because I'm too busy fucking about with it. See u all tomorrow anyway

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I watched the Rules of Attraction movie and now I'm back. I actually really really liked it, I wasn't expecting to because I was apprehensive of the changed time period. But they still had the artsy 80s music so I can die in peace. The outfits were it in beautiful, Shannyn Sossamon's especially. And it gets bonus points for playing So Alive by Love and Rockets when Paul and Sean kissed because thats one of my fav songs ever and it did make me lose my mind a bit. Good stuff over. It completely messed up both Paul and Lauren's character arcs by removing the fact that they both had relationships with Sean. I know that the 'oh my god they never actually were in a relationship it was Paul's fantasy' interpretation is more fun but I think there's a hell of a lot more to say (and also it fits way more contextually) if Sean was in a relationship with him but just adamantly denies it. It shows how insecure Sean is and also makes Paul look less predatory. With Lauren, her actually fucking Sean matters because it shows how hypocritical they all are. She hates Victor for sleeping around when he was in Europe when she did the exact same. The marriage arc was so important in the book because it just shows how insanely immature they all are, Sean is fantasising about the white picket life whilst being completely unaware that Lauren doesn't, and has never, loved him, and Lauren just accepts it.

I think this is all probably because the film is very much romantasising the vapid lifestyle that the book criticises. And that is partly because a film needs the protagonists to be likeable whereas they're free to all be evil in the book (which was my big bug with the Less Than Zero movie). Its also probably due to the revival of uni culture in the early 00s although I'm unsure if that was as big a thing across the pond in the US, where the big fancy uni full of rich kids was an ideal. This kind of comes off like I hated the movie, I really really loved it I have to clarify that, I just really really loved the book more lol.

I think tomorrow or whenever I might come on here and mess about with the index page for this blog. Because I need it to be organised better. Watch this space lol. U might not even see this bc I'm too busy messing about with the format.

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You may notice the blog looks ever so slightly different. It lagged a lot so I tried to optimise it, and found out the double outline for the boxes was causing a lot of the lag. So I got rid of it and its not even that noticeable ha. I then realised now that it doesn't lag, I could combine all the pages into just a monthly page. Which makes it much much easier for me to manage even if it may be harder to search in the future. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I watched Hairspray this weekend. I went to a new cinema (for me), some nice indie cinema in town. I was scared to go because I find it hard going to new places, especially little indie places just due to the fact there's cool people there. But it was alright nobody came out and shot me. Free advertising it was Cultplex in Cheetham Hill. Shame I can't go there more often since I'm leaving for uni in 3 months ha. Really really loved the film though. I've obviously heard of John Waters but I've never been able to watch any of his films because you usually have to get them on DVD since they're not on streaming and I don't want a DVD of a film I've never watched before in case I hate it and then I just have the DVD lol. But it was a great introduction. I loved the music and the costumes and Debbie Harry. Probably my fav bit of it was the scene with the beatniks and how they were reciting Howl because I loved that damn poem when I was 16. I had no idea what the movie was really about because I live under a rock and never had Disney Channel as a kid so I had never heard of the musical, which I think made it a lot better. One day when I get better at sewing I'll make the roach dress. I don't have any deep thoughts on it beyond this because its just a fun movie and thats all I have to say. And then I ran for the bus even though I was 10 mins late for it and still managed to get it! Days like this make me think God is real because I had so much fun and I love everything.

I mentioned this to my counsellor and she said she'll try and find her Cry-Baby DVD for me. Which is so nice shes very kind to me. For some reason we got onto talking about Felt. Which are one of my fav bands ever. And she said she saw Felt 4 times when she was my age. Its incredible meeting somebody who is exactly the same as myself but 30 years older. When you grow up socially isolated and autistic and all that jazz you kind of just think you're the only person who's Like That and its incredible when you meet somebody, especially somebody who's older who's also Like That because its like damn I'm not alone AND it gets better!!?? I've just been in complete awe with everything this week. I've been writing shitty poetry/lyrics as well again too. Lets see how that goes.

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I have been HAVING FUN this week. It was lovely and sunny last week without being in hell like now, so I went on a few walks and its like damn. Sometimes u just have to wander aimlessly listening to yr gay little music and its like waowwww nature is beautiful the world is beautiful God is beautiful. A good song can take you to Teresa d'Avila levels of spirituality. I've been kind of miserable today though because its a heatwave and I can't deal with that lol I'm just so tired all day and I can't leave the house because I'm pale and I'll die immediately so I just sit in darkness all day haha. But I had lots and lots of fun yesterday.

I went into Manchester with one of my online friends from down south. It was really really nice I think I've said before I struggle with friendships and talking to people because of my selective mutism so it was really really nice to interact with somebody who I love. He gave me a book that looks really really cool so I'll read it over summer. We went in Spoons and got tipsy and then just mooched about the Northern Quarter mostly. Its really fun to get tipsy and then root around charity shops and record stores its fun to do it no alcohol but it makes it more satisfying. I might email every single charity shop and record store around Manchester for a job over summer because I think getting a job would help me with my anxiety and I could only do that in a safe environment and I find those very safe. It was fun thats all I have to say.

I went in Oxfam and found a DVD of Pretty in Pink. I had been meaning to watch it for the past week so I thought it was a sign from God and watched it last night. Perfect film. I'm a working class post punk girlie from a single parent household. So I appreciated it dearly. I think the only reason it doesn't go down as the best John Hughes movie or in essential punk cinema lists is solely because its not about middle class kids. Soundtrack goes hard I loved the New Order track in it. Didn't know Harry Dean Stanton was in it so thats a pleasant surprise. I didn't like how she got with Blane at the end though but thats because I'm shallow about rich kids so maybe when I grow older and wiser and get over it I'll understand it. Loved the little gay boy though I'm glad they became friends again. Anyway I think the only person who should be able to talk about it is me.

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